Let me start by saying that I took a much longer break from writing than I had originally intended.
I needed the space and time to figure out how to write again because somewhere in the Journalism program, I lost my voice. I was so busy trying to “get it right” and learn the rules that I forgot the most important thing, I love writing.
Journalism is a great profession and a lot of people I know are amazing at it, it just isn’t for me. It took the better part of two years to figure that out.
I know how to write articles, I know the technical ins and outs. I have massive respect for anyone in the field that can keep their sanity but for me I couldn’t.
Writing has always been a creative outlet, an escape and a way to gather all my thoughts to better solve my problems. Journalism is the opposite, you are writing for someone else, you are using your voice to tell someone else’s story which was okay for the most part. The problem occurred when I started to write just because an assignment was due or because the event happened and someone had to cover it. I lost the story-telling that I loved.
I wasn’t happy with what I was doing, sure I had days or certain stories that brought me joy, I had friends in the program that kept me going but that course of study just started to become a burden on both my physical and mental state but also on my soul.
Writing became a stressful job and I second guessed every single word I wrote. Thoughts like, “Is it good enough?”
“This article is going to be ripped to shreds.”
“Maybe if I stay up later, get up earlier, take less breaks…”
I’d sit at my desk for hours trying to tweak and fix articles and they would just be rejected or not good enough and need to be redone or researched more and it just sunk me farther from where I wanted to be.
The pressure and the demand on my time overwhelmed me. I took on a lot of responsibility with little reward for my time. Jumping through hoops for everyone with little more than a quick passing nod as thanks. It really takes a toll on you.
Then at the very end when I was drowning in work, stress, helping everyone else and I needed help, it wasn’t there.
For a very long time, I’ve avoided writing here. Every time I tried to pick up a pen, I put it down out of fear or frustration because I second guess my writing at every turn, but it’s been months now and I think I’m ready to start again. I need to write, I need to get back my creative outlet. I can’t let this feeling beat me. So I’m back. I’m going to start writing again. Starting with this post.