My little tiny three-year-old started junior kindergarten today.
My little guy is turning Four at the end of September but he still seems so young.
He is smart, he is ready for school but just the thought of it brings tears to my eyes.
He can recite his ABC’s, count to twenty, carry out a full conversation using big words in proper tense, work a computer, dress himself, do simple addition/subtraction, and so much more.
He is ready for school, but I’m not.
We went back to school shopping over the weekend and when we got home, I was unpacking the bags, tears slipping from my eyes looking at his indoor/outdoor shoes. I was thinking to myself, “Get it together, he will be fine.”
This is when I realized that it’s not about that. It’s not about whether he will make friends, like his teacher, do well in school. I know my kid, he will do just fine. The problem is that I don’t want to let go.
I want him to be my little boy and spent all my free time with him. I want to explore all the world’s possibilities with him.
I realize now that his school stuff has been purchased, his bag packed and I have sent him off to school, that I have done everything in my power to prepare him for this day. That is why he ran to school, happy, barely looking back to say goodbye, too excited to meet new friends and have fun. We have prepared him perfectly but what we forgot to do, is prepare ourselves.
My boyfriend and I dropped Jakob off at school and slowly made our way home, I don’t have to work today and college doesn’t start until tomorrow, we are free for the rest of the day. We walk through our silent house wondering what we should do. I clean up the floor and go to mention something to Jakob but he isn’t there. A slight panic ensues, that panic that says “Where is my child.” and then I remember, he’s at school.
I know this will pass, I will get used to it and soon I will be planning what I will do with my “free” time while he is at school but right now, I am counting down the minutes until we can go and pick him up.